Lights will guide you home...

A friend of mine committed suicide about three weeks ago.

It's insane, and next to impossible, to try and imagine that he isn't around...isn't "out there" for me to ever randomly message, run into in our old college town, or just look up on FB to see what he's up to.

Ben and I were never super-close, but he was a wonderful friend to me during some of the most tumultuous years of my life, and I will never, EVER forget the lengths he went to support me and my family during my time at Wake Forest. He started out as my financial aid counselor, and quickly became not only my friend, but my father's friend, as well. Dad would call Ben to ask him a question regarding one of my scholarships or loans, and would end up talking with him for an hour...not about the original question, but just about life in general, Wake, and anything else that the two of them would tangent off into.

Dad thought the world of Ben, and so did many others. So did I.

He wasn't perfect - he was hilarious (sober and drunk), threatened to dutch-oven many-a-friend of mine, and could double-fist beers with the best of them. He welcomed people into his circle of friends so openly...I remember playing darts with Ben, Wes, Monu, Reggie, and Jess at West End Opera House, and the many nights of playing Kings and ending up with the beer box on my head!

I wasn't oblivious to Ben's depression, but he spoke of it in the past-tense, and I never thought to probe any further than that. He radiated love, silliness, and friendship. I truly believe he knew that he was loved...the way he looked at his girlfriend, and she at him, in their pictures posted on FB...that's love. His friends, near and far, loved him wholly.

While I tear up every time I think of Ben, I know that's the selfish side of me taking over. He's in heaven with our Almighty...and I can only imagine that Ben has God in stitches, with all his silly sayings and fantastic sense of humor. Really, what could be better than walking into the loving arms of your Creator and feeling nothing but love, peace, forgiveness, and wholeness? I know God didn't wish to see Ben in this way, or this soon, but I know He ran to meet Ben with open arms.

I have faith that many days from now, I, too, will run into the arms of my heavenly father, and over his shoulder, there I'll see Ben. 'Til then, friend :)


"Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
...Lights will guide you home..."

Baby, it's cold outside...but Spring is just around the corner!

I purchased a pot of hyacinth bulbs today at the grocery store. Instead of selecting a plant that was already in full bloom, I chose one that looks like the one pictured directly below. This way, I get to enjoy watching each flower unfold and bloom, and allow their vibrant aroma to slowly fill our house. Hyacinths are my FAVORITE flowers - next to roses out of Dad's garden - and I am always so excited and pleased to see them in early spring!

The plants in full-bloom will look like this:

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Spring colors are skipping their way into my wardrobe, as well as my house.
I just purchased the Madras Scarf in Rosamunde and Navy Cropped-Sleeve Cardigan...

You can find both these items at my place of business, your local Gap store, or at Gap.com

Shed a little light

I walk by faith, and not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7

But sometimes, I still need my life's path to be illuminated so that I don't miss the blessings meant for me. When the going gets rough and storm waters kick up in my life, my gut inclination is to batten down the hatches, tuck myself in my snail shell, and not come out until the safe calm comes again. By closing myself off during these vulnerable times, I prevent myself from receiving God's blessings and messages. Some of the best spiritual growth occurs when our defenses are stripped away, leaving us only with our faith and our God to lean upon.

A few weeks ago, we found out our next duty station. And it's not considered a desirable one. Instead of immediately looking for the blessings hidden amongst the crawdads and humidity, I went into freak-out mode and only focused on the negatives. When others expressed their sympathy for us, I didn't bother correcting their viewpoint and emphasizing the potential for grand life experiences in an unknown place. Simply put: I wallowed. A LOT.

But I am done wallowing. Instead, I am vowing to focus on the blessings that will come with this new move, new town, new phase in life. Both Chip and I have opportunities for spiritual growth, personal growth, and growth as a couple, and God's plan is greater than ours, and perfect.

Pray for us as we seek to do the will of one who is greater and wiser, and as we search, eyes peeled, for the clearly-illuminated path.

Shed a little light, oh Lord, so that we can see... :)

Just do it!

2009 was a pretty significant year for me.

- I relocated to Georgia to be with the most awesome man in the world...

- I closed the chapter on a less-than-desirable work situation, and was blessed with a great job, working with wonderful people...

- I have stepped out in faith more times than I can count, from everything from friendships, finances, employment, to personal style and unexplored frontiers...

Not to say that these adventures were easy - most were the opposite - but they were all worth the struggle. The best way to become your own best friend is to strip away all the layers until there's nothing but bare-bones YOU. Gone are the comfort-zone friends, family members, and complacent attitudes. You're forced to deal with all of your insecurities, doubts, and fears. You may not conquer them all at once, but when you look things dead in the eye, they seem much more conquerable.

So, here's to 2010: the year of life-changing actions and decisions.

Not just for me, but for my dear friends. You know who you are, and know that I am walking with you, hand-in-hand, on our journey through life. We can do all things with God's strength and guidance, so let's focus our prayers and minds on our goals.

Just do it!